Clearing the Way for a New Future

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This week, I would like to invite you into a deeper level of healing
your internal war. Of course I never ask you to do anything that I'm not
willing to do myself.



The more light we bring to our psyches, the more shadows will appear.
It's just part of the process. Every time we step up, every time we open
up to new possibilities and step into uncharted territories, we
inevitably come face to face with the dark parts of ourselves that have
not yet been exposed or explored.



When we are committed to excellence - when we are committed to the
evolution of our own soul and those around us, and seeking to maximize
our potential - we can get myopically focused on our own agendas in the
name of "doing good." Like any course we are on, there are others who
are on similar courses and those who are on opposing courses, and often
times the two will collide. When we are sure that our course is "The
Right Course" and theirs is "The Wrong Course", we are likely to brush
past them without acknowledging or giving proper notice to the road
they've chosen.



It happens. This is life. There is no need to beat ourselves up for the
next ten years over it, but there is a spiritual responsibility to stop
and look at what we leave behind, our trail. In other words, are you
leaving toxic gases in your immediate universe? And if so, what are they
made of and what can you do about them?



Since I started my writing career, I've gone through a few difficult
situations. They are over now, and it no longer matters who was right or
who was wrong, what they did or what I did. The only thing that matters
is whether I can see the consequences of my actions or inactions and
whether I've learned the lessons that these experiences have tried to
bestow upon me. The following questions are a few that I like to dwell
in when I'm seeking to find the gifts:



How can I use this experience to become the kind of person my soul longs
to be?



How can I use this lesson so that others can learn from me and maybe
bypass a difficult life experience?



How can I use this to heal my own heart?



And...



How can I use this lesson to help the healing of the planet? [That is,
if the planet really needs healing.]





Believe me, when I am angry or hurt the last thing I want to do is ask
these questions. Hurt and anger leave me feeling righteous and shut
down. So first I have to heal the anger and the hurt, which is really
the deeper invitation of this week's newsletter.



To begin, I have to give myself permission to feel, be with, and accept
all the anger and hurt that I'm carrying. I have to get out of my head,
where I can justify and rationalize all my pain, and get into the heart
of my inner child - the little, sensitive part of me that likes to hold
on to my pain as a form of self-protection. I have to, with open arms,
give myself all the internal space I need to do the kind of healing work
necessary to let go of the past, to forgive myself, and to forgive
others. I have to acknowledge the aspect of myself that would rather
hang on for dear life to my story, my position, and my reasons rather
than take responsibility and give up the blame.



Once I do this, I am fertilizing the ground of my consciousness, a
necessity if I am to grow and move forward. It is the process of tilling
the soil of my psyche and weeding the dead and useless emotional roots
so that I can prepare my soul for new and exciting futures to emerge.



For each of us, this is a process. If we are committed to letting go of
the past and ending the internal war, the steps to healing our hurt and
anger will eventually lead us to "I'm sorry".



Below is a letter to myself that I recently wrote. The love I'm giving
myself here is to apologize and say "I'm sorry" for all the ways I've
participated in behaviors and circumstances that didn't serve my deeper
heart. While encouraging you to write a letter of apology to yourself, I
want to say that my list may not make sense to you. This is a personal
dialogue between you and the most private, delicate parts of yourself -
an intimate conversation written for you and by you. This is where the
healing needs to take place. It doesn't even matter if you
intellectually understand why certain things will come into your
awareness. It's about healing the emotional self. As I wrote in The Dark
Side of the Light Chasers, knowing is the booby prize. It doesn't matter
to our emotional selves what we know. And as I wrote in Spiritual
Divorce, our minds can't take us where our hearts long to go. So, "I'm
sorry" is the process of feeling the remorse and sorrow for things we've
somehow participated in, co-created, or allowed to happen to ourselves:



I'm sorry that I didn't make better choices for myself. I'm sorry that I
didn't take the time to make sure I was safe. I'm sorry that I stepped
over my intuition and refused to listen to the messages of the universe.
I'm sorry that I didn't ask for help sooner. I'm sorry that I allowed
fear to guide so many of my choices. I'm sorry that I choose fear over
faith. I'm sorry that I hurt people I love. I'm sorry I couldn't make
everyone understand my perspective. I'm sorry I ever chose that path in
the first place. I'm sorry that I felt so desperate that I didn't take
the time to do my due diligence. I'm sorry that I didn't have more faith
in myself. I'm sorry that I hurt myself so badly. I'm sorry I'm not
perfect. I'm sorry that I couldn't see the bigger picture, and I am very
sorry that I let others influence my decisions. I'm sorry that I wasn't
wise enough to have worked everything out by myself. I am sorry that I
didn't know how to stand up for myself. I'm sorry that my heart was not
strong enough and that my ego won out so many times. I'm mostly sorry
for the violence that I did to my own body and psyche. And with this, I
ask all the sweet, scared, innocent parts of myself to forgive me.



Once I expressed "I'm sorry" to myself, I was finally clear enough to
offer a genuine apology to others:



I am sorry to all the people that I have hurt directly and indirectly. I
am sorry for the pain that others felt and for the powerlessness they
experienced just by being around me. Please forgive me, my friends and
loved ones, my family, my co-workers, and my community. Please forgive
me, my precious son. To everyone who was on the opposing side of my
conflicts, please forgive me for all the ways you felt unloved,
disrespected, and uncared for by me.



And lastly, I am sorry to God for losing faith. Please, God, forgive my
unhealed heart and give me the power and the courage now to forgive
myself.





Take Action Now!



With pen in hand, tend to the sorrow in your heart. Take a deep breath,
and write it all down. I promise you, you'll feel lighter by the time
you're finished.



With love & blessings,

Debbie

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