“Passion is a positive obsession; obsession is a negative passion.”

-Paul Carvel

Have you ever blown things out of proportion?

I was speaking with a friend the other day when he surprised me by exclaiming “I
hate my life!”

As I knew he had a pretty amazing life, I asked him what he meant.

“Oh, it’s just this girl I’ve been seeing…”

He then proceeded to tell me a tale of woe about how his girlfriend had been
flirting with another man at a party. Although he was reasonably sure that she
had not been unfaithful, he couldn’t get it out of his head, and he was obsessing
about it.

As I know that in order to obsess about anything you have to temporarily forget
about everything else, I guided him through the following NLP process I developed
which I call ‘the Desperation Destroyer’. You can use it to take pretty much
anything which you have become desperate or obsessive about and re-contextualize
it into the big picture of your life.

Like any NLP process, this one becomes easier as you become more conscious of the
internal images, sounds and self-talk that are continually going on inside your

For example, think about someone that you love. How do you know that you are
thinking about them and not a purple cow? Chances are, it is because you are
making a picture of them in one part of your mind and a picture of a purple cow
in another. Point to the mental picture of the person that you love. Now point
to the purple cow. Notice the difference?

Next, go inside your mind and sing along with one of your favourite songs. Where
are you most aware of the sound? Is it in the front or the back? Close or far
away? Towards the center or to the left or right?

Finally, notice the location of that voice inside your head. If you aren’t quite
sure, ask yourself ‘where is that voice inside my head?’ and notice where it is
that you hear it.

When you are able to get some sense of the location of the images, sounds and
self-talk inside your mind, you are ready to begin…

Today’s Experiment:

1. Think about something you feel needy or a bit desperate about. It could be to
do with relationships, money, or some event in the past or future you have been
obsessing about. As this is the first time you are doing this, please do NOT
choose anything traumatic until you have developed some expertise in this process!

2. Notice any pictures you have associated to this situation. Where are they
located? Are they larger or smaller than life? Realistic or ‘blown out of

3. Time to take charge of your internal world! Take any pictures, shrink them
down and push them way off into the distance. If it helps, you can white them
out, like using ‘liquid paper’ or ‘tipp-ex’. If you are aware of any sounds or
self-talk, turn down the volume until you are feeling relatively calm about
whatever it is you were desperate about.

4. Now, create a ‘success collage’ inside your mind of all the good things you
have in your life. This can include:

*Pictures of the people you like and who like you
*Times where you have been successful in the past
*Things you are grateful for having in your life.

While you are looking at your success collage, you can replay any positive
compliments you have received and other nice things that people have said to you.
Fill your mind with positive words, sounds and images!

5. Finally, imagine a tiny space opening up somewhere in the bottom part of your
success collage. Fill the space with a tiny representation of whatever it is you
used to feel needy or desperate about.

6. In the future, you will only think about this thing in the context of all the
wonderful things you already have going for you in your life!

Have fun, learn heaps, and enjoy putting things into their proper perspective!

Until next time,

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